Here's something to blow your mind during the fireworks.
Saturday, July 04, 2009
Friday, July 03, 2009
Tuesday, June 23, 2009
#433: Trained
Your friends Ho and A. discuss current events.
Ho: http://www.foxnews.com/
A.: THEY WANTED TO MAKE SURE YOU COULD HEAR THEM
A.: IF THAT'S NOT CAUSE FOR SHOUTING (AND PUNS), I DON'T KNOW WHAT IS!
A.: hahahahaha
Ho: http://www.foxn
Ho: i'm glad they're getting punny already!
Ho: IN A LARGE FONT
A.: THEY WANTED TO MAKE SURE YOU COULD HEAR THEM
Ho: GET IT? ON TRACK? CUZ IT WAS A TRAIN? AND PEOPLE DIED?
A.: IF THAT'S NOT CAUSE FOR SHOUTING (AND PUNS), I DON'T KNOW WHAT IS!
Ho: GENOCIDE
A.: hahahahaha
A.: you win
A.: :-)
A.: :-)
Ho: this belongs on a blog somewhere
Tuesday, June 16, 2009
#432: Sorry
Our good friend Ho over at C&H beat us to the punch on this David Letterman stuff, but we must say, Sarah Palin continues to infuriate us in new and exciting ways.
First of all, we are sick of seeing her smug, winking face all over the news when we do not even live in Alaska. Secondly, we never appreciate it when the victims of stupidity are pressured to apologize to the perpetrators of said stupidity. Like when that poor guy got fired because he used an archaic word some people didn't know and then (to his credit) refused to apologize for using it. Or like when Dick Cheney shot that old man in the face and then somehow the old man ended up apologizing to Dick Cheney.
Letterman made a joke some people didn't get. Even for those who did get it, the joke wasn't that funny. But this hardly matters. What matters is that even after he pointed out that he hadn't actually made the joke he was accused of making, Palin wanted him to apologize anyway!
(DRAMATIZATION):
SARAH P.: You made a crude joke about my underage daughter! Apologize!
DAVE L.: Actually, the crude joke was about your older daughter. It was crude, though. I will concede that. [Ed. note: And if you are an advocate of abstinence-only education and your also-underage (at the time) daughter winds up pregnant, you are not allowed to be surprised when people make jokes about it. It's not your daughter's fault that you are a religious fundamentalist who hates reality, but your zealotry and fame have made her into comic fodder, and she's just going to have to get used to it. Plus: She's 18 and has a kid. Comedians are the least of her problems.]
SP: I don't care who the joke was about! It was about my underage daughter!
DL: What? No. I already explained --
SP and FOX NEWS: Apologize!
DL: Listen, this has gotten way out of hand. Anyone who watches this show knows I would never make a sexually explicit joke about a 14-year-old gi --
SP, FN, ARMY OF ZOMBIE NEOCONS: Letterman is a pedophile! He also tortures puppies! He makes jokes about molesting children and torturing puppies!
DL: I'm sorry.
SP, FN, AOZN [brandishing flaming torches]: He tortures underage puppies and is a socialist! Get him!
Ugh, it breaks my heart in half. I so wish Letterman had said something like, "I'm sorry you're still in denial about having lost the presidential election for John McCain." Or maybe, "No one should ever listen to anything you say. Give us a call when you've passed high-school biology."
First of all, we are sick of seeing her smug, winking face all over the news when we do not even live in Alaska. Secondly, we never appreciate it when the victims of stupidity are pressured to apologize to the perpetrators of said stupidity. Like when that poor guy got fired because he used an archaic word some people didn't know and then (to his credit) refused to apologize for using it. Or like when Dick Cheney shot that old man in the face and then somehow the old man ended up apologizing to Dick Cheney.
Letterman made a joke some people didn't get. Even for those who did get it, the joke wasn't that funny. But this hardly matters. What matters is that even after he pointed out that he hadn't actually made the joke he was accused of making, Palin wanted him to apologize anyway!
(DRAMATIZATION):
SARAH P.: You made a crude joke about my underage daughter! Apologize!
DAVE L.: Actually, the crude joke was about your older daughter. It was crude, though. I will concede that. [Ed. note: And if you are an advocate of abstinence-only education and your also-underage (at the time) daughter winds up pregnant, you are not allowed to be surprised when people make jokes about it. It's not your daughter's fault that you are a religious fundamentalist who hates reality, but your zealotry and fame have made her into comic fodder, and she's just going to have to get used to it. Plus: She's 18 and has a kid. Comedians are the least of her problems.]
SP: I don't care who the joke was about! It was about my underage daughter!
DL: What? No. I already explained --
SP and FOX NEWS: Apologize!
DL: Listen, this has gotten way out of hand. Anyone who watches this show knows I would never make a sexually explicit joke about a 14-year-old gi --
SP, FN, ARMY OF ZOMBIE NEOCONS: Letterman is a pedophile! He also tortures puppies! He makes jokes about molesting children and torturing puppies!
DL: I'm sorry.
SP, FN, AOZN [brandishing flaming torches]: He tortures underage puppies and is a socialist! Get him!
Ugh, it breaks my heart in half. I so wish Letterman had said something like, "I'm sorry you're still in denial about having lost the presidential election for John McCain." Or maybe, "No one should ever listen to anything you say. Give us a call when you've passed high-school biology."
Sunday, June 07, 2009
#431: Where the hell have we been?
Wow. It's. Oh. We can't talk about writing right now. We have been on a writing bender and although we don't really remember the details, we may have embarrassed ourselves severely and there may have been witnesses.
We can't stay in our head anymore. We need to get out. We need someone else to do our thinking for us, someone a whole lot smarter and more organized and less jumpy than we are. Please. It is not so much to ask. Just for a little while.
We can't stay in our head anymore. We need to get out. We need someone else to do our thinking for us, someone a whole lot smarter and more organized and less jumpy than we are. Please. It is not so much to ask. Just for a little while.
Thursday, May 21, 2009
#430: Public display
Let us all take a moment to thank the unstable vagrants of the world for letting us know to stay away from them. We'll thank them from way over here.
Thanks, fellas and ladies, for shouting incoherently at no one when you're still half a block ahead of us. Thanks for your unruly beards and telltale odors, and thank you also for shaking your fist (such a sincere fist-shake!) at the religious institution on our right. They probably deserve that. Thanks for kicking the heaviest sidewalk trash. It's also the loudest.
We'll see you later. But not up close.
Thanks, fellas and ladies, for shouting incoherently at no one when you're still half a block ahead of us. Thanks for your unruly beards and telltale odors, and thank you also for shaking your fist (such a sincere fist-shake!) at the religious institution on our right. They probably deserve that. Thanks for kicking the heaviest sidewalk trash. It's also the loudest.
We'll see you later. But not up close.
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